Contemplating

Things don’t always turn out how one hopes they would. In my case, things have not gone so well here in New Jersey. I’m sure much it is due to my own shortcomings. I thought I would come here and find a job that’s not fast food or Walmart, but that has not happened. Who would hire a philosophy graduate in an economy like this anyway? When many are losing their jobs, there is likely to be more competition for what few jobs there are. When many others have technical skills that I lack, employers will most likely hire them first. So this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind when moving.

Where do I find myself now? Still without friends here, still without a job, and contemplating my next move. I’m deciding whether to move back to Norman or not. I have a place to stay there with friends until I’d find a job. My mentality is that if I’m going to work in a restaurant or something, why do it where I don’t know anyone? Wouldn’t it be better to work in a low paying job where one has friends at least? So that’s what I’m currently debating.

But I think there is a cloud looming over me that is even more ominous; the metaphorical cloud of uncertainty! Dramatic, right? I don’t know where I see myself in 5 years. Heck, I don’t know where I see myself in 6 months! And I have a plan to find a teaching job (which I’d have to go back to school for, to get credits in whatever subject I’d teach), but even that I’m not sure of. That’s the same way I entered college; uncertain. I went in not knowing what to study, switched majors 3 times, and settled on philosophy on the third time. I don’t know if “settled” is the right word. I was happy studying it, because it’s in my nature to be thoughtful (more thoughtful than I should be). But since I didn’t know what I was doing, I left with no technical skills, a lot of money in loans, and no idea of what to do next. Teaching just seems like the better (not best) thing to do, because education is something I care about. But I’m not sure about teaching either. Just because I care about education, does that mean I should be a teacher? I care about the economy too. I care about government and politics. It just seems like I’m pushing myself along a path because I don’t know what else to do.

My solution to things has always been to think about it. Contemplate until the path seems clear. But in this case, I don’t think I even know where to start thinking! I’m confused, is what I’m saying. My only solution right now is to keep thinking. It is to be hoped that this method will work, as it has in the past.