A Conversation with Otto

(δεν χρησιμοποιούν μεταφραστή): Why do i feel so nihilistic, and how did it come about so suddenly? I haven't felt this way in a long time. I hate myself right now. I actually imagined that i killed myself by clubbing my head off. And then the "I" that clubbed the head off, he blew his brains out with a shotgun!
(Otto): Shit man.
(δεν χρησιμοποιούν μεταφραστή): I feel so fat, lazy, uninspired, stupid, useless. And the strange thing is, I want the world to bring on more pain for some reason, I don't know why. I feel like when I tell myself something like "your problems don't amount to anything," I reply by saying "good, tell me more about how I'm insignificant.' I wonder why though. Why do I welcome despair like that?
(Otto): Is it some sort of coping mechanism? Or maybe you're secretly a masochist!
(δεν χρησιμοποιούν μεταφραστή): Is that just how I cope with sadness, by welcoming more sadness? It's like I'm saying "good, bring on more of it, bring it all. attack me any way you can." I still wonder why. I'm not satisfied with it just being a coping mechanism. Why is it a coping mechanism?
(Otto): Could it be that you don't know of any other ways to deal with sadness?
(δεν μεταφράζουν αυτή την): But I do. I could exercise. I can't think of anything else actually. Let me think... there's thinking about it of course, like I'm doing now, thinking and writing. That's kind of taking the sadness away. I guess because I'm not being sad, I'm being analytical. That doesn't change the fact that I hate myself right now. I don't want to live here. Why can't I control my eating habits, or my laziness?
(Otto): You're not disciplined. That's the only answer. You're not disciplined.
(δεν χρησιμοποιούν μεταφραστή): Well what can I do to gain that discipline?
(Otto): Make yourself do something every day, something that you wouldn't be doing now, like running or something.
(δεν μεταφράζουν αυτή την): I tried that, didn't work.
Otto: Then there's nothing you can do.
(δεν μεταφράζουν αυτή την): good. GOOD. I'M GLAD THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO. I'M GLAD THAT I'LL BE UNDISCIPLINED THEN! FUCK LIFE.
(silent moment....)
(δεν χρησιμοποιούν μεταφραστή): Maybe I say those things because I feel that no one has ever helped me before, even though people have helped me. I feel like it's just more of the same, and it proves that there is no justice in the world.
(Otto): Does it make you feel good that there is no justice in the world?
(δεν χρησιμοποιούν μεταφραστή): Not really good, but it justifies my beliefs I guess. I don't know if I'd say that it feels right.
(Otto): Does it feel right?
(δεν χρησιμοποιούν μεταφραστή): Kind of.
(Otto): There is no justice in this world.
(δεν χρησιμοποιούν μεταφραστή): I know that.
(Otto): So what's the problem?
(δεν χρησιμοποιούν μεταφραστή): I want there to be justice.
(Otto): That's the tragedy of life. You might want justice, but there is no justice.
(δεν χρησιμοποιούν μεταφραστή): NO FUCKING JUSTICE!
(Otto): Haven't we gone through this before? You shouldn't worry that there is "no fucking justice." You shouldn't worry about it because there is nothing you can do about it.
(δεν χρησιμοποιούν μεταφραστή): I can do some, but only a very small amount will change.
(Otto): Yeah, that's what we said before. You should just work on your immediate surroundings, and not try to change the whole world. The whole world is hopeless.
(δεν χρησιμοποιούν μεταφραστή): Oh yeah. I remember.... I still don't feel optimal.
(Otto): What now?
(δεν χρησιμοποιούν μεταφραστή): I still feel fat and useless.
(Otto): Well, that's something you can't change unless you make yourself exercise, and read, and write.
(δεν χρησιμοποιούν μεταφραστή): Where do I get inspiration from?
(Otto): Books.
(δεν χρησιμοποιούν μεταφραστή): What about the initial spark?
(Otto): I think what you mean is what is the driving force. Basically what would make you want something. The best answer right now..... hmmm, your will maybe... Or what you take to be a will. You have no free will, remember?
(δεν χρησιμοποιούν μεταφραστή): Oh yeah.
(Otto): Your skin color determines your interests, where you have lived determines them, how you grew up, where you went to school, your mom, your dad, your hometown, internet, commercials, television, your current surroundings. All these things determine what you are interested in now, and therefore what you will write about.
(δεν χρησιμοποιούν μεταφραστή): So why is it that I don't feel inspired?
(Otto): You're inspired now aren't you?
(δεν χρησιμοποιούν μεταφραστή): In a way. I guess it's not exactly what I had in mind. I had in mind a greater work.
(Otto): How is this not great?
(δεν χρησιμοποιούν μεταφραστή): Well, by great, I guess I mean changing the world in a major way. I doubt this writing will change the world in any major way, maybe not even a minor way. I doubt it will get past my eyes actually.
(Otto): Well, what if you put it online?
(δεν χρησιμοποιούν μεταφραστή): I don't know, I'm reluctant to do that.
(Otto): Why?
(δεν χρησιμοποιούν μεταφραστή): I'm afraid of what people will think of me.
(Otto): What if they like it? What if it holds their interest?
(δεν χρησιμοποιούν μεταφραστή): Then that kind of gives me encouragement to put it online.
(Otto): So you're afraid of negative criticism then?
(δεν χρησιμοποιούν μεταφραστή): Yeah, I guess you're right. As long as I don't think people will judge me negatively, then I would put it online.
(Otto): Well, no one reads your blog anyways, and if they do, they won't bother to comment.
(δεν χρησιμοποιούν μεταφραστή): You're right! i love you!